Yesterday i had a dream, it was just like a movie, i dont know what made me have this dream, but i like it..... :

In the dream, me and Charlie was a lovely couple, we were having a very peaceful life. But until one day some evil spirit started to hunten me, i was forced to go to the future becase the evil spirit tried to seperate us up, otherwise the evil spirit would either kill my him or my mom. Conciquencely, i went to the future, and live in a huge house with bunch of my friends, they were all used to be my closed friends, and of course my mom lives in that house, too. It seems like everybody is having a nice life together there, and of course i was missing Charlie very bad cuz i could go back to the past to see him, so i had to go back to the campus that we used to go to pick some memories between us....(i think the school was Fairbanks or wat..) But until one day, the evil spirit came out again, it came into my body and tried to use my body to hurt people around me, i tried to stop it...but i couldnt......One day, the evil spirit used his power tried to hunt everybody around me, i told my friends and let them go before the evil spirit get to them....they were all runing,runing, runing.....but there is one guy(my friend), he was not willing to run away, but tried to get the evil spirit away, i was runing after him and tried to stop him, cuz i know he is too weak to defeat the evil. Suddenly i saw a person run toward us, i thought that was the evil spirit tried to hurt my firends, So i used my special power and gave a deadly heat to that person, and of course that person got hit and lying on the groud, he was dying, but he was calling my name...i got a little bit closer to that person, my eyes suddenly open so widly, cuz that person was Charlie, he was all bleeding, he told me that he was missing very bad in the past, so he decided came to future to find me......but now he was all dying by my hit....however, the real evil spirit came at this time, and caught me with it....Charlie was trying to chase me, but he was too weak to catch the evil spirit....he was sooo frustrated...cuz the evil spirite left him behind long time ago...since he was very disappointed, worry and sad, he came to a old restaurant. Suddenly he remenber he has a picture of a old guy, he was told that the old guy on the picture has some certain relationship with him, and he could definitly help him to find me....he took out the picutre, and trying to find him. At the time, there was a old guy exactly look like the one in his picture came into the restaurant,his dress looks like a Kongfu master and  he got some weapon on his back. Charlie went up to him and told him what was happened to him....That old guy heard about it, and then suddenly looks like he got something in mind, he was smiling to Charlie, and told him a poem which is very deep, but the meaning of it was about:" Son, dont worry...i can perdict it for you, that girl u looking for will soon come back to you, you guys will commited with each other in the future." but Charlie still couldnt understand wat this old guy trying to mean.At last, when the story came to the end, this old guy was actually the Charlie fifty years later, that means he met himself fifty years later at the restaurant.....

yep, that was my dream...i told Charlie, but he said there should be more story at the end, such like after he talk to the old guy, he went to learn kongfu and became a master just like that old guy, and then he save me from the evil spirit....but anywho...that was my story.....

hu...life sometimes is really going hard on people....our society is totally fucked up, and people...man....God know wat they want......i've been upset these days, cuz i feel distance from people, i feel like not even one person is still on my side anymore.....its tuff that when so many things going on and u suddenly feel like u got nobody actually around....i feel sad that there is nobody know me, i feel sad that there is nobody are willing to take my side....i just feel sad that i have to keep going on my journey alone.....

Sometimes i really just wanna fly into the sky and leave everything behind, or become a fish swim into the ocean and forget about everything. I've been strong for myself, but one day i just suddenly feel like im getting weak and weak, i need somebody catch me when i fall...but i just realized there isnt anyone, i have to learn to get up by myself again....i feel like there is nothing reliable in the planet anymore...faith is just bull-shit....there isnt faith at all...yea....faith at the begining, but bull-shit at the end.....Who i can trust, who i can rely on, where i can go with whom, what can i do with whom, who should i care for, who is really be there for me, who is whom..............my mind wholy messed up...i dont know......heart feels hurt,,,but nobody knows.....nobody knows me without the mask,and they dont want to, they dont need to, they dont care....i will keep standing up for myself...even till one day full of hurt, i still will, cuz i have to.....there aint nobody.....

Well, a whole new week just started again, busy and tired. hahah...havent write diary for long time, got so many things going on recently:

1) I decided to take Summer School at IVC, (History & Geography for GE), and im going to register this afternoon if it is available for me, again cuz things always go complicated on me..-_-;;

2) I have started to save some money from my part-time job wages, and it has been a secret to Charlie that i definitly have a goal to do so, cuz the other day he asked me wat is the point for me to save money if i dont even have a goal. Well...the goals are actually to buy a PSP for his birthday gift and buy a Burberry wallet for my mom's birthday gift, they both have birthday during the early summer..and their gifts would be freaking expensive...man.....in my life i never had something like that expensive...sad..(T_T)...anywho, even tho it is expensive, but what they been done to me would be much more than that...love them!!~~but in another hand, the pink Burberry wallet was so cute, and i am soooo want it....hu..its k....later till i got real job, i will get one of those for myslef......dont be hurry on ur self,a~~~~iny!!**

3) finally, Charlie got the internet access at home, and we finally be able to use internet at home now....happy, cuz i dont have to stay in the library or dorm to rush HW anymore, and of course which could increase my HW quality,wuhahahhah..........

4)Next semester, Sunny will come to my school, well, maybe it is not a very big event for him, but for me i've been happy for that for months,YEACH~~

5)i wanna get a new laptop very  bad recently, cuz the old one act like an 800-year-old grandpa,get frozen all the time and full of worms........sign....

6)At my work place, tapioca, there were a lot of male customer that always try to talk to me...Well, suppose to happy or proud....but these days it became annoying, cuz most of them are ugly little annoying teens..........I AM NOT MICHEAL JACKSON, AND I DO NOT INTERESTED IN KIDS~~)

7) owell, me and charlie going smooth these days(cuz my PMS havent come yet),we didnt fight that much. he told me last nite that his best friend made his gf pregnent, and her dad just passed aways recently, so his friend has to take care the girl and the girl's mom together withought going to college. How sad was that. Be Careful, everybody. ***Condom is a very import issue, dont look down at it***

8) I went to SD last weekend, and top(vitavas) just came back from Thailand, he made his hair look like Korean cuz he got little curly hair...ahhah...dont really look like the Top that i used to know, and he never be shy to talk to girls anymore...hahah..happy for him

9) found a very good Korean BBQ restaurant yesterday, we went to eat there, and i was very satisfied, cuz i only got two meals each day recently for coupld reasons: a) save $, b) no time, gotta work..........

well, summer is gonna come soon, and i cant get any more ready for it....wanna break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!cuz im TIRED

hu.....finally saturday again......

well, good news is charlie fianlly got his internet, and we finally could use internet again at the home....hu...almost forgot about what was the definition of the "internet",geez...........

owell, yesterday i got my pay,very very happy, i mean extremely happy, but i started to save money from late time i got pay, and hopefully i could keep it up, cuz recently there is just so much thing that need money: Summer school, mom's birthday gift, charlie's birthday gift, i want a new laptop,tuition for fall 2005....*_*;;;;..........im gone crazy now....and tired....

work these dayz....um....a lot of people.......i mean really....lots of people...um...my co-workers all said i got good luck about guys these days, cuz there are a lot of guys try to pimp around me, Happy? yea, of course, i have been lost my confidence way long time ago, and now at least i could get up my head and get some confidence, but have a cruch on anybody yet? ---um,Hell no.....none of them are my real types....cuz' u know, guys these day are better pimper than girls, today they can come to pimp u, then that means tomorrow they can do the exactly same thing to other girls, and i hate this kinda guys--asshole, no respect--they are pretty much fucked up~~ i love my bf, and i mean really love my bf. cuz so far i havent seen anybody got that much care and pay that much attetion on me ..heheh...anyway, thatz wat i've been talking about wat does "my boy" mean...hey,hey...anyway...peace out~

hum...well,well,well....it's been a totally long ass week for me ,finally Charlie came back from Thailand last Sunday, i was missing him so bad(cuz im a lonely person...-_-;;), well,anway...after the daytime changing, i only get to sleep till 4 o'clock in the morning everyday now, so sleepy and tired...i wish summer holiday could come as soon as possible, i need the  break!!!!~~work is ok these days, just dealing with the supid people, hopefully i wont turn like that supit, man...its full of bitchass and asshole in that place...owell, let them kiss my ass, godamn it~~F**K the shit

...got 2 speeches coming up, nervous ....however, i suddenly realize that my wages is actually not as much as i was imaging..way lacking too much....plus, im gonna surprice Charlie for his birthday gift, so im going to buy a scret gift rite now even though his birthday is in July, cuz the secret gift is really hard to order, or even i might have to pay the deposite first, then waite for couple months, and of course the price is up to couple hundred dollars, which means more than half of my wages will be gone just like that.SHIT~~and that is why i stop using the money on myslef currently ~anyway, it is a secret.....keep it down!!!

AND.....i heard Sunny is gonna come to CSULB from this fall, hahhaha..extremly happy cuz finally got some friend at school, no more lonely....yeach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!